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Re: Concerning the Animals and Terraformation Phase One

Leaked Email Message From Elon Musk’s Chief Spiritual Executive

You won the bet. I admit it. I owe you three start-ups of your choosing. May they serve humankind and the animals well. It is indeed the case that women born and raised on the colony develop two separate menstrual cycles with time, one for Deimos, another for Phobos. For lovers wishing to use the rhythm method to avoid pregnancy, this poses a real problem. And a number of angry associate professors have been picketing and raising their voices beyond the legal decibel limit in local planetary law. Their mantra still fills my ears: “news fake! news fake! news fake!

But what I’m really concerned with is the genetically modified elephants, who thrive in the low oxygen environment which the partial terraforming has created. Do they have as fulfilling lives as they did, centuries ago, out on the–what was the word again–“sabana,” like some kind of bed-sheet in pre-Aznarian Spain.

And then there’s the question of mars’s association in ancient mythology with the God of War. I told you time and again, that this is mere superstition, that even if it is not, the purpose of war is always peace–a claim first made by an illustrious member of the Higher Shrub Family–and we haven’t had a single death, no losses of limbs in decades–and the three fingers which were replaced with prosthetics: we all know that these were offered by volunteers, who preferred them in some ways to the real biological organs.

We have 100 times more deaths by friendly fire than enemy fire, which means that both of the counts are zero. And it’s not clear at all whether mind control is involved on either, both, or neither side. The 8000 pages on mind control barely scratch the subject.

The loss of life still remains tragic, especially to that weird atheistic cult that inculcates its young readers through L-epathy… then again, we all know the truth, that losses are really conversions, by the first Principal of the Preservation of Quintessence, proved back in the good old days, when things were simple: 2020.

Yours, as always, with love and sugerfree kisses….


P.S.: It isn’t long now till we make the next jump, to Jupiter, where I believe the elephants will find deeper self-actualization.

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